I'm just an ordinary girl putting a bunch of ordinary words together, trying to tell an extraordinary story.
I’m not sure where to start.
I guess I can say that I finally got my heart
Broken, and confused.
Emotionally abused.
I’m not just blaming him, because it’s take two to tango.
& I will say, that I’m not always easy to handle.
Because I let the enemy get the best of me
And now I can finally see
What God was trying to do.
Because I woke up one morning,
And I said to myself “Dear Heart, I’m trying to find you…”
XOXO, Savvysaav ❤
Emotionally damaged,
I can barely manage
My own feelings
That some people think aren’t valid
But they are. They soooo are.
And these feelings,
They’ve gone so far…
When you don’t say I love you back, why do I feel hurt?
Or am I just upset because I feel like I’m always saying it first?
I continue to pour my heart out, though we’re not together at all.
But seems like you don’t care much about my texts or calls
Because your phone is always on do not disturb
But when I don’t reply or don’t give you my undivided attention, I get kicked to the curb.
Why is that?
Is there something wrong with me?
Allow me to see.
I’m not trying to justify the situation here,
But trying to figure out how to feel.
I’m just trying to heal, I’m trying to re-shine.
Because I’ve been blinded this whole time,
Trying to look past, trying to look between the lines.
XOXO, Savvysaav ❤
Hi guys! It’s been a while. But don’t worry, I’m still writing, I have a few poems I plan to post soon. 🙂
I did take a mini break from writing because I was going through some of my own life spirals and almost went down the rabbit hole (again) and at the moment in time, I wasn’t able to get any words out. My mind was so clouded, I couldn’t see past the fog. It was all a blur.
But after a few days of waterfall crying, “resting”, crossing some lines (being nosy), being mad, throwing a tantrum, being dramatic (LOL), rearranging my room 3 times, tossing & turning in my sleep, I felt a heart-tug.
I started PRAYING, asking God to re-guide me, and my heart. I sat by my prayer wall, head down, hands together, surrendering my own self. The next morning, I woke up and my mind was less cloudy, and I was able to see the words I’ve been trying to get out. I finally got those words on paper & I can’t wait to share them! Thanks for those following me, I really do support it. 🙂 For ALL of those who see this, you’re amazing, you’s a bad ass, God loves you, and though last year was rough, WE MF MADE IT. #NotTodaySatan
XOXO, Savvysaav ❤
As I watched the stars
Transform into the sunrise,
I found True Beauty
XOXO, Savvysaav ❤
Lord… I am tired.
I feel as if my Faith is becoming expired.
With my life feeling like it’s falling apart,
It’s like I instantly forgot how to pray,
Like I need someone else to say
The words that are deep in my heart.
Lord, I know you are GOOD, but man I am tired.
Feeling like a withered flower
In a pile of weeds,
Waiting on my OWN faith of the hour.
I am so tired, but I can’t seem to keep my eyes closed.
Staring blankly at the blackness of the ceiling.
Knees on the ground, Praying, asking God to take these feelings.
I’m stuck between two wrongs, and a right.
But the Bible says to “Walk by Faith, not by Sight”.
I am tired of living in fear.
I am tired of leaving my feelings on the shelf.
I am tired.
Isn’t anyone else?
What makes you happy?
In 2011, filmmaker, Roko Belic did a documentary, HAPPY. He went around to 14 different countries, from Louisiana to India in search of what people wanted in life. And what did they want? Happiness. After watching this documentary, it really got me thinking about what really makes me happy, what satisfies me. Money? My job? My family? Friends? New clothes? Having a roof over my head? Waking up in the morning? My phone? Having wifi? And the list goes on. To be honest, all of these things give me joy, and fills me with thankfulness. But if someone were to ask me what I wanted in life, I’d probably say the same thing; to be happy. I wake up every morning, thankful that I have another day to live, regardless of my circumstances. I’ve realized that everyone has something another person doesn’t. Not everyone has a job, a family, some people don’t even have a roof over their head. But those people, regardless of what they have or don’t have, they are happy.
• My favorite story in this documentary was the Rickshaw driver, Manoj Singh, who lived in the Kolkata slums of India. His occupation was driving a rickshaw around town, and bringing people to their destinations. He did that for about 12 hours a day. His job wasn’t always pleasant either, and he got paid very little for what he did. Sometimes people would get really drunk and abuse him, but he never argued. He would just go on with his day. Manoj mentioned that in the summer, his feet would hurt because of the heat. If it rained, it didn’t matter that his clothes were soaked because he knew that working all day and walking around would help dry his clothing. Him and his family lived in a hut made out of bamboo and plastic bags, with a tarp hovering the exterior. They had no carpets and their floors were the same as the ground; dirt, cement and grass. They had one window for air flow, and sometimes if it rained, the rain would come into their home.
“Except for this, we live well” – Manoj Singh
“Sometimes we only eat rice with salt, but we are still happy” – Manoj Singh
He also mentioned that him and his family are really good friends with their neighbors. They all get along quite well and they enjoy each others company. Despite their living situations, and the fact that he can barely provide food for his family, he is always filled with joy whenever he spends time with his neighors. He always gets filled with joy when he sees his son, sitting, waiting at the tea shop for his return, and then shouts “BABA”, which means father in many languages. During the interview, he quoted,
“I feel like I am not poor, but I am the richest person”
. It doesn’t matter how much you have, but how much you make of it. And that’s what Manoj did. Even though he had so little, he made the best of what he had, and he lived so humbly too. I live on the island of Kauai, and Kauai is nothing like India. People consider Kauai, or anywhere in Hawaii as paradise. Living here, I don’t have to worry about rain coming into my house when it pours, or being abused by drunk people for no reason. I don’t have to work 12 hours a day, just to “get by”, or barely get by, and I don’t have to worry about not having enough money to support myself. This documentary reminded me to humble and to not take things for granted because HEY, things could be worse. I complain about the littlest things sometimes, like when the wifi doesn’t work, when someone cuts me off on the road, when I’m low on food, or when I don’t work enough hours and my paycheck is small, when my car breaks down, when my phone drops and cracks, when the line at the store is long, and so forth. I’m not saying I’m not happy, I’m just saying that it’s mind boggling how much we have and how unhappy/unsatisfied we can get because of materialistic things. In other places, they don’t even have half the stuff that we have. Some places don’t even have clean water. With all of the studying, interviewing, and research that was done, they found that Manoj Singh was just as happy as an average American. (I’m considered an average American) And that’s huge, considering he had so little.
“The formula for happiness isn’t the same for everyone, but the good news is that the things we love to do are the building blocks of a happy life: play, having new experiences, friends and family, doing things that are meaningful, appreciating what we have – these are the things that make us happy and they’re free. With happiness, the more you have, the more everyone has.”
• So, be thankful for what you have, regardless of your circumstances and be mindful about others because some of the things you have, another person is or might be praying for.
• If you have the chance to watch this documentary, please do. I highly recommend it. It’s on Netflix. It’s super encouraging, humbling and inspiring. You won’t regret it!! 🙂
Xoxo, Savvy ❤
Xoxo, Savvy ❤
I’ve always told myself
To keep the past on the shelf
To be better, not bitter
And to never be afraid to ask for help
I’ve always told myself
That I know better
But that doesn’t mean I’m a go-getter
I don’t always do what I’m told
And I don’t always do what I say
But I know I have good intentions,
And I believe God always has a way
To turn something terrible into something amazing
Because when we overcome those battles,
It’s God we’re praising
I’ve always told myself
That honesty is key
And that the truth will set me free
I didn’t understand that at first
Because for me, the truth hurts
I hear it and then I’ll deny it
But how is that going to help me?
I need to let go, let God and let things be
I’ve always told myself
That God loves me just the way I am
And that I can live a life for Him
Because even though I sin,
It starts with myself within
I’ve always told myself
To look beyond the surface
Because I’m trying my best to live for God
And I know I have a purpose
Xoxo, Savvy ❤
The look in your eyes
The night we gazed at the stars
What a night that was
Xoxo, Savvy ❤
PC: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theodysseyonline.com/10-reasons-stargazing-awesome.amp
“The less you care, the happier you’ll be”
Do you believe that? At first I didn’t, but now it’s kinda been on my mind a lot lately. I’m the type of person that cares WAY too much about what people think, and I let those opinions really get to me. It’s affected me in a lot of ways, good and bad. People take this saying out of context sometimes, as if you shouldn’t give a shit or care about anything at all, but that’s not true. I’m not saying “be careless” or don’t care at all, I’m just saying that everything a person does or says, shouldn’t affect you more than it should (if that makes sense) I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t take others opinions into consideration, I’m just putting it out there that you shouldn’t let other people determine your life, or make you feel that the decisions you make aren’t good ones. If you fall, you fall. Eventually, you’ll stand up, with or without help. No one else walks in your shoes but you. The last few weeks, I let myself loose and I didn’t really “care” about what other people thought of me and my actions and what I was doing with my life because I’m happy, and I know I have a lot going for me. And though I fall, I always stand back up. I’m not saying that in a prideful way, I’m just saying that I know I have potential to do better, to be better, and I believe everyone has that kind of potential. I’m so tired of people telling me “I told you so” or rubbing my past in my face when I’m already aware of the things I’ve done. I’m learning to be more better, and less bitter. And the way I’m doing that is not letting other people’s opinions get to me. I don’t have to live up to their standards. I don’t need to impress anyone or prove to people certain things. I’m gonna let them think what they want because I know who I am, I’ve accepted the things that have happened in my life and I also know that things take time. I’ve also realized that when I finally accepted what was going on in my life, whether it was chaotic or not, it was easier to deal with in the end. The reason being is because even though I’ve fallen countless times and I’ve made countless mistakes, I know that in time, things will work out. It’s just a matter of time and being patience. With that being said, here’s a quote by Joyce Meyers, “You can’t live your life just based on what everyone else thinks.” Do you buuuu. You’ll know if you’re sinking or floating. I hope this makes sense. I honestly just needed to let it out. Have a wonderful day! 🙂
Xoxo, Savvy ❤
Know your worth.
Love yourself.
Guard your heart.
Stand your ground.
And put your insecurities on the shelf…
Let them rest till the morning,
So God can work on your heart.
To remind you that
You can always re-build yourself up when you fall apart…
Xoxo, Savvy ❤
