What If?

What if I told you to let me be, to let me go, cause I need you to see…

That I don’t need you to rely on anymore.

Would I be in peace? Would I be in a war?

What if I told you that I didn’t need your help? Would I be bluffing?

Do you think I can do it myself?

What if I can’t? What if I fail?

Will I turn back to you, or will I just bail?

Would you leave, or would you stay?

Would you stay and hear my cry, and my stuttering words at night?

Would you wake me up and re-guide me to the light?

The lightbulb just lit up, and you know why?

Because everything I’m questioning is going to pass by.

I need you 24/7, that’s a given for sure.

I need Your love, trust and patience for the trials I’ll endure.

Of course I’ll need your help, I can’t do this on my own.

I’m like a flower, and you’re the water.

I need you to help me grow.

I’m dry and thirsty, and I feel like I’m in a drought.

It’s late at night and I have so many things I want to talk to you about.

I don’t want to lose faith,

But to be strengthened with these convictions of mine.

I want a change of heart, to keep myself in line.

I wrote this poem on July 9, 2015 at 11:34 pm. I don’t remember what exactly happened on that day, but I do know that I was very unsure of what I wanted. And what I mean is that I wanted to give my heart, and everything to God, but I still wanted to hold onto the things that weren’t even worth holding on to. I’ve been a Christian for a little over 3 years now, and I’m far from perfect. I believe that God has been there from the start, even when I wasn’t a believer. I wouldn’t have said that 3 years ago because I probably wouldn’t have believed it, but now I do. I now see why I started to believe at the time I did, why certain things happened the way that the did, and so forth. This poem is about me questioning my faith, about my being unsure and doubting God, when I know in my heart, that He’s what I need every minute of the day. Some days I want to accept it, and some days I don’t. When things don’t go my way, that’s when I have a hard time believing and trusting in God, but then I get a reality check that it’s not all about me, and things can’t always go my way. This poem is about me thinking I could do it myself, when I really can’t. I can’t do it myself. I can’t grow by myself. For example, I can’t grow physically if I don’t eat. I can’t grow by only drinking water everyday. I need food, protein, etc. But course I need water, I need to be hydrated. And I can’t grow spiritually if I’m not constantly reading the scriputures, or if I’m not being fed with positivity, prayer, and accountability. My faith, OUR faith is like a seed, it can be planted, and you can give it as much sun and water as you’d like, but it’s only God that can make it grow. You also have to be willing to be put in different areas of life, that’s the only way you’ll grow. Sometimes if a flower pot is in the shade, it might need to be moved so that it can get more sun, so that it has a better chance to grow and to bloom. And I find that pretty amazing. And as I look back at these poems, I realized that I came pretty far from where I was before. I’m not fully bloomed, but I’m getting there. (I hope that makes sense)

Xoxo, Savvy ❤


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